just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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