I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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