i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
