you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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