I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
