nut hugger
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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