You really coming over, don't trick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
