But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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