I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
