Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
