Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
