just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
