Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
