Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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