Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
