Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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