Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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