I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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