the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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