he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
