these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A bitchslap is in order.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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