I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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