afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
