So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
