i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
