Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
