Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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