You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
