you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
