Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
