Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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