i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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