Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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