Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
