Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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