I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
