no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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