I can text with my tongue
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
