It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My liver just had a heart attack.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
