We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
