I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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