I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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