do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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