Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
