I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
