a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry about my life...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
