ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
