why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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