I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
