Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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