I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
