Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This house was built for laser tag.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
