discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
