I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
