No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
